When the Night Falls On You
by missy42
Summary: Beginning where "Je Souhaite" ends, this is my version of how Mulder and Scully deal with the issues that have been haunting them just before Mulder's disapperance - and create William.
1. Stirs

When the Night Falls On You

By "Missy42"

Author's Notes:  I am not a shipper.  I acknowledge that Mulder and Scully are totally in love.  However, never wanted to see them "get together."  I'm one of the older viewers.  I started watching when the "classic" episodes were brand new.  It was a time when mutants ran rampant among us, and Scully said "There's got to be a scientific explanation" in every episode, and actually came up with one.  The show still had that cult feeling, and Mulder and Scully were so totally engrossed in their work that no one wanted a relationship to start.  They were more like brother and sister than anything else.  However, in the light of more recent occurrences between the two, I cannot deny the heightened sexual tension.  It's always been there, but it's been amplified ever since the movie.  This piece is spawned by that.  In particular, I draw upon the fact that in the second to last episode of season 7, an episode entitled "Je Souhaite," the episode ends in Mulder's apartment with the pair just hanging out (truly a happening for them) watching a movie and sipping some beers.  In the very next episode, Scully announces that she's pregnant.  Coincidence?  So, late at night, when I can't get to sleep, but I'm not quite awake, my imagination tends to run rampant, and I imagine what might have gone on between everyone's favorite FBI agents after the cameras stopped rolling.  I'm sure someone else has already written something on the subject, but this is my version.

Disclaimer:  The characters in this piece are not mine.  Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter, Fox, ten-thirteen, etc.  I am not claiming to have invented such a wonderful couple with such a great relationship, and I'm not making any money off it, nor do I have any (I's is jus' a po' college studen' tryin' ta git me an edumacation) so suing me will accomplish nothing.  Also, the songs "played" in it are not mine, nor did I invent the dances mentioned in here, so don't even bother trying to get me for those, either – it's not worth it, trust me.

References/Spoilers: Tooms, The Host, Ascension, Aubrey, Dom Kalm, The Blessing Way, Paper Clip, Memento Mori, Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose, Quagmire, Paper Hearts, Small Potatoes, Redux II, Kill Switch, The X-Files Fight the Future, Dreamland, Dreamland II, Tithonus, One Son, The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati, Closure, Je Souhaite, Requirum, Within****

When The Night Falls On You

Chapter One: Stirs

She had fallen asleep a half-hour into the movie, and started drooling on his shoulder after about fifteen minutes after that.  A large wet spot eventually accumulated on his shirt.  Mulder suspected she had done that on purpose. _*Maybe it's just her way of getting back at me for picking a movie she didn't like.*_[1]  He almost laughed out loud at the thought.  He really didn't mind the drooling.[2]  Actually, he found it rather endearing.  Here was his partner, a woman who took such great care of herself, who had such impeccable hygiene, who was known for being the one of the most clean-cut agents in the FBI, and she drooled in her sleep.  So, she was human after all.  Immortal (supposedly), but human.[3]

He had turned the movie off shortly after she started drooling.  He didn't really care about the movie; he had seen it before. It was really was just a smokescreen in an attempt to spend some time with her – some real time with her – without having to worry about solving a case or catching a suspect or getting a witness to testify, or anything like that.   Tonight, there were no X-File between them, no aliens, no mutants, no government conspiracies to put them at odds.  It was just the two of them.  Popcorn and a movie was the best cover he could think of to get her over, and she still questioned his motives for it.  He didn't blame her, though.  The last time her partner wanted to just hang out with her for no apparent reason, it turned out to be a sleazy shape-shifting janitor trying to "get some."[4]  And she did have a point about the movie he had chosen.  It probably wasn't the best choice in entertainment if he really wanted her to get into it, but then, if he had chosen something she had liked, it would look even more suspicious.

He had turned the TV off with the remote, and he but hadn't moved from the couch.  He didn't want to disturb her slumber, in spite of the fact that it would probably mean that the drooling would stop.  She just looked so peaceful, so comfortable there, leaning up against his shoulder that he didn't have the heart to wake her.  Besides, he was content to just watch her chest rise and fall as she breathed in and out...in...and out...in...and out.  As he focused his attention on her, he thought he saw her shiver ever so slightly.  He reached over the back of the couch and pulled down the blanket Nana Mulder had crocheted for him as a house-warming gift when he moved into his first apartment.  Mulder then proceeded to wrap the worn old thing around the redhead's sleeping body.  Almost immediately, he thought that she looked more comfortable, and he returned to his original task of just watching her sleep.

After a few minutes, his thoughts began to stray.  He thought about what the doctor's had said.[5]  It scared him.  He remembered when Scully had first told him when she had been in a rather similar situation.[6]  He had been scared, then, too, but for different reasons.  He had been afraid of losing her – so afraid of losing her – but he had never stopped to think that the tables might someday be turned.  That he would be the one having to face his own mortality now.  She had told him once that death was nothing to fear,[7] and even though he had no reason to doubt her on the subject, he was still scared.  But then, what did she know about it, really?  She had always bounced back from whatever it was that threatened to terminate her.  He had, too, so far, but the tests he had endured were not quite so demanding, not quite so extreme, as the ones she had been put through.  Now they were, and he knew he didn't know if he too possessed the strength she had to pull through this.  Besides, she –

She stirred.  Her eyes fluttered.  _*She's waking up,*_ he thought.

Her eyes opened. She had a vacant, sleepy look on her face as she took in the familiar surroundings.  The first thing she noticed was the warm blanket that had been carefully laid on her body. Next, she registered the arms wrapped around her.  They were warm, strong, muscular, gentle, caring... they were...Mulder's?

Scully sat up with a start, letting the blanket fall from her shoulders.  "What time is it?" she demanded.

Mulder looked at his watch.

"Relax.  It's nine-thirty."

"The movie's over?"

It took Mulder a second to think of the appropriate response.  He entertained the idea of saying "No, I just turned it off when you fell asleep so that when you woke up, you could finish watching it without missing any of the story."  But that would be cruel.

"Ah...yeah.  You missed out on a great movie, Scully."

Scully gave him a skeptical look, and he knew she was calculating the time the movie started, the time it would take to finish it, and the hour he had just reported.  It didn't add up, and he could see the wheels in her head turning.  But in a flash, the look was gone, replaced by a huge yawn as she gave her arms a little stretch.

"I had probably better go home," Scully said as she stood up.

"Why?"  He did his best to hide the desperation in his voice.  He didn't want to be left alone tonight.

"It's getting late Mulder."

"It's a Friday night, Scully.  You gotta be somewhere tomorrow morning?"

"No, but..."

"Or are you running off to be in the arms of another man?" he asked sarcastically.

She raised an eyebrow as she gave him a look before retorted with "No.  That was last night."

"So then what's the rush?"

"Well...I came over to see a movie, and since it's over, I just thought it would be the appropriate thing to do, unless you have something else planned for tonight."

"It just so happens, I do."  He really didn't, but if it kept her from leaving, he could think of something.  She turned to face him with another skeptical look before inquiring "What is it?"

He needed to buy himself some time to think.  "Well, if you **really don't want to stay, I won't put a gun to your head.  In fact, I'm so offended that you would want to take off so soon, that I'm not sure I ****want you to stay anymore."**

"Alright, I'm sorry. What is it?"

"Well...since you apologized so nice-like..."  It was just the right amount of time he needed to think of something.  "Ah...would you help me move the coffee table?"

Once the table was against the wall next to the TV, he turned to his computer and started it up and inserted an unlabeled CD into the CD-ROM drive.  She almost thought he was going to start them working on another case as he moved the mouse around to open up whatever it was on the disc, but then she wasn't sure why he'd need to move the table for that.  Then, emitting from the little speakers next to the computer came music.  Stray Cat's "Rock This Town," to be exact.  Scully smiled as he turned back to her, and he could have sworn he saw her blush as he extended his hand to her.

"May I have this dance?"  Scully hesitated, not because she didn't want to, but because she couldn't believe he was actually **asking her to.  She recovered from her little shock very quickly, placed her hand in his, and did a little twirl as he pulled her toward him.**

To be continued…

  


* * *

[1] He rented "Caddy Shack" at the end of "Je Soulhaite," a movie Scully seemed less than thrilled about.  He said next time, they could watch "Steel Magnolias" to make up for it.

[2] I can't remember which episode it was where Mulder made a comment about Scully's drooling, and I've had conflicting reports on the subject.  I've been informed by PepperAnne that it took place in "Pusher," while one Lizz tells me that it was in "Squeeze."  I have "Squeeze on tape, but it's in storage up at school, so I'll just have to rent the episodes.  Meantime, if anyone wants to confirm/deny these reports, or tell me a totally new one, fell free; I love hearing from you guys, for any reason.

[3] In "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose," Clyde, who can see how people die before it happens, states that Scully won't die.  In a kind of follow-up episode, "Tithonus," it seems that Scully does indeed acquire immortality.

[4] Morris Fletcher, in Mulder's body, also tried to get it on with Scully in Dreamland II.  While Scully did use the occasion as something of a set-up for Fletcher to confess that he wasn't Mulder, at the end of that story line, none of them would remember the event.  So in their minds, the incident with Eddie Van Blundht is the only time someone used Mulder's body to get closer to Scully.

[5] I'm alluding to the fact that in the episode "Within," we discover that Mulder knew he was dying from "abnormal brain activity" and had been seeing doctors about it for a year before Scully ever found out.

[6] I'm referring, of course, to Scully's battle with cancer, which she told him about in "Memento Mori."

[7] She informed him of this in "Dom Kalm."


	2. Waking Nightmares

Disclaimer:  Already done this for M/S & the X-Files, so this disclaimer's for the songs.  They're not mine, they belong to their respective artists, writers, producers, record companies, whatever.  I didn't write them, cuz my poetry/songs aren't nearly that good, and I only wish I could make money off of them, cuz I could use it.  Just in case you were wondering.

Author's Note:  I just want to thank everyone who reviewed that last chapter.  I love it when you guys do that!  It was especially interesting to hear all the different takes on the M/S relationship.  Everyone seems to have an opinion on that.  For the most part, you guys seem to accept the idea as long as they don't get too love-y dove-y.  Hope this suits your specifications.  If not, please tell me, cuz I don't want this to get sappy, either.  Anyway, this chapter – maybe even the rest of the story, I don't know – is based heavily on those dreams that Scully was having of Mulder in "Within," the season eight premiere where Scully was witnessing him in captivity.  My whole premise is that she was having these visions before he was even abducted.  (See, my friends and I are convinced that Scully's psychic, despite herself, but if I say anything more, I'm afraid I'll give the plot away.)  And on with the story…

When the Night Falls On You

Chapter Two: Waking Nightmares

About fifteen songs later, Scully collapsed on the couch, laughing more form shock that they had kept it up for this long than from exhaustion.  They had been dancing for almost an hour, and they had shimmed to "Love Shack," did the electric slide to Mustang Sally, swing danced to "Zoot Suit Riot," two-stepped to "Jeepers Creepers," done the Hustle, the Time Warp, even the Macarena, just to name a few.  They "slow-danced" to "Twilight Time," but they couldn't really take that one seriously.[1]

Mulder turned toward the computer, paused the CD, and went to join her on the couch.  As he was walking toward her, she realized that she had discovered two very rare things.  One, she had found a man that could **dance.  Two, she was actually having ****fun with her partner.**

"The CD ain't over yet, Scully.  You tried out already?" he asked as he sat down next to her.

"No, I just need a minute before I start getting my groove on again."

"Ah, come on, the next song isn't a very strenuous dance song."

"Alright."  Scully seemed to put a lot of effort into getting up, but he suspected it was more for show.  He went back over to the computer to restart the CD.  After a second, Scully could hear the intro to The Pretender's "I'll Stand By You" emitting from the speakers.  Mulder made his way over to her and drew her into the closed position.  There was a moment of awkwardness as they realized just how close they were, and but it didn't take long before they had relaxed.

Once they had gotten a little more comfortable, Scully's mind began to stray.  She started to remember all the horrible dreams she had been having lately.  They were still hazy – despite the fact that she had been having the same one over and over for weeks now – but the implications of it were still there.  It was interesting what she remembered and what she had forgotten. She remembered seeing him.  His image was distorted, as if she was seeing him through a cloud, or some frosty piece of glass, but it was still him.  She had worked with him long enough, seen his figure enough to recognize the man she cared about so much, even through the vagueness of a dream.  His exact position was lost in the haze of the dream, and she wanted to say he was lying down, but that wasn't quite true.  She was convinced that some higher power was trying to tell her just by the things that had remained in her conscience memory that the details didn't matter, just as long as she understood what was going on.  And, boy, did she ever know.  He was being tortured.  Held down.  Tested on.  Like he was some sort of lab rat.  No.  Worse.  He was one of those unfortunate beetles little children find in their back yards and pull to pieces while they're still alive just to see what it looks like on the inside.  She was horrified.  This was her friend, her best friend.  Someone she cared about.  Someone she –

She wanted to help him.  She tried to get to him.  Because they had no right.  Because she owed him that much.  Because she couldn't bear to see someone she cared about so much go through so brutal a violation.  Because she had been through it herself.  Because he was calling out to her.  Not his mommy.  Not some woman he had been with in the past.  But her.  His voice echoed in her ears until it got to her head, where it resonated in her skull.  From there it moved down her spinal column, through her skeletal system, whereupon it seemed to permeate the rest of her body until finally it seemed as though her entire body shook with it.  "Scully!"  he cried.  "Scully!"  over and over again.

She tried to reach him, tried desperately to get to him, to set him free, to get him out of there, to tend to his wounds and to comfort the emotional scars she knew would linger long after his body would heal.  "Scully!  Scully!"  But something stopped her.  She had no name for it.  It was just a force that kept her from getting to him.  "Scully!  Scully!"  It was agonizing.  "Scully!  Scully!"  As if someone just wanted her to know what was going on, but deprive her of the means to do anything about it.  "Scully!  Scully!"  As if she was watching a tape of what had been done to him after the fact.  Mulder was already gone and there was nothing she could do for him.  "Scully!  Scully!"

She always woke up from it in a cold sweat, and sitting bolt upright in bed.  It terrified her, always.  She had tried to decipher what it could possibly mean, but no interpretation she could give it soothed her.  She thought about going to outside sources to figure it out.  Find someone more experienced than she to help her out, but she didn't feel comfortable telling anyone else about it.  After all, what would some middle-aged flower child know about her life?  Her dreams?  Her nightmares?  The only person she would have felt comfortable telling was her sister.  Missy would have known what it meant, and she would have kept it in the bag that she was starting to become a believer.  Yes, she would have trusted Missy with such knowledge.  But Missy was gone now.[2]  She remembered the story her mother told her after her abduction about the dreams **she had experienced.[3]  She remembered the appearance of various dream dictionaries throughout her mother's house afterward.  It had started a big argument between them.  At the time, she was not ready to believe, and even thought she still wasn't sure that she was ready now, she knew she wasn't ready to admit defeat to her mom.  Not just yet.**

So, she disregarded the dreams all together, convincing herself that they were just some unconscious fear of hers surfacing and nothing more.  The only problem was, they kept coming back.

            She had been in her head for less than a minute, but it seemed to her to be an eternity.  Reliving the awful memories of the past several nights had brought her deep into the recesses of her mind and, as she pulled out from it, something came to her – a realization of sorts, or perhaps some sort of sudden burst of intuition.  Whatever it was, she knew, at that moment, that this dream – this nightmare – would become a reality.  She was going to lose the most precious thing in her life.  Mulder would soon no longer be a part of her life.

She was petrified.  She tried to find some rational way to explain it, to clam herself down, but her thoughts were all jumbled up together.

_*It's just some fear of mine surfacing*_

*_You're becoming as paranoid as him_*

_*You were dreaming again, Scully*_

_*It's the only explanation*_

_*I'm even calling myself by my last name*_

_*I must be going crazy*_

_*Well, you know what they say*_

_*Folie a deux*_

_*I've been spending too much time with him*_

_*I gotta start to get out more*_

As she had regressed into that place between sleep and awake in an attempt to recall her dreams, the two partners had inched nearer and nearer to each other as they became more comfortable with being so close.  Without realizing it, she had nearly pressed her body up to his and was lightly resting the side of her head on his chest.  He was a bit surprised that she had been so forward, despite how tender she had been in the gesture.  He didn't mind, though.  In fact, he was pleased to know that she felt so comfortable with him.  Despite all their years together, and all that they had been through, he thought they held back a lot, and he was delighted that things were different, even if it did last for only this one night.

            The mood changed abruptly, though, and all of a sudden, it was as if the woman he was dancing with had been overcome by some arctic chill.  He heard her draw in a sudden breath of air and felt the body he held so close to his own heave as Scully tensed up.  He had been in a terrible situation like this, which did, indeed require a trip to the Arctic to set things right, and he reacted quickly, despite his own fear of what it could possibly be this time.

            "Scully?  You okay?"  he implored.

            It was as if she hadn't even heard him.  He peeled her body away from his to look at her face.  She looked like she was miles away, but he could still see the pained, frightened look on his face.

            "Scully?" he asked again, desperate this time.

The only thing that brought Scully out of her little trance was his voice, desperately calling for her to snap back into reality.

            "Huh?  What?"

            "You okay?"

            She took a second to answer him.  She looked at Mulder with such a sad and lonely face, realizing that no matter how much she tried to shake off the feeling that had just overwhelmed her, no matter how much she tried to rationalize and explain it, that it was just too powerful.  She was going to lose him and there was nothing she could do about it.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Don't lie to me, Scully." He wasn't angry when he said it.  More concerned.  She had given herself away in the long pause, and they both knew it, but what bothered Mulder most was the look on her face at the time.  "What's wrong?  You know you can tell me."

Scully panicked.  She couldn't tell him the truth.  Not now.  She had hardly even digested it herself.  But she couldn't insist that nothing was wrong.  Not anymore.  He had seen right through that.  Besides, she owed him more.

"I – I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Scully, whatever it is –"

"Please.  I'll tell you later, but not now," she said, stopping him, not knowing if there would ever be a later for them.  She felt the tears begin to well up inside her.  She pushed them back, trying desperately to not give away any more indications of how much this was bothering her than she already had.  Besides, she knew he was worried, and she didn't want to agitate his fears any more.  For now, they were together, and who knew how much longer it would last.

"Well, is there anything I can do?"

"Just...keep dancing."

_Oh, Why you look so sad?_

_The tears are in your eyes_

_Come on and come to me now_

_But don't be ashamed to cry_

_Let me see you through_

_Cause I've seen the dark side too_

_When the night falls on you_

_You don't know what to do_

_Nothing you confess_

_Could make me love you less_

_I'll stand by you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Won't let nobody hurt you_

_I'll stand by you_

_So, If your mad, get mad_

_Don't hold it all inside_

_Come on and talk to me now_

_But hey, what you've got to hide_

_I get angry too_

_But I'm a lot like you_

_When you're standing at the crossroads_

_Don't know which path to choose_

_Let me come along_

_Cause even if your wrong..._

_I'll stand by you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Won't let nobody hurt you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Take me in into your darkest hour_

_And I'll never desert you_

_I'll stand by you_

_And when,_

_When the night falls on you baby_

_Your feeling all alone_

_Walking on your own_

_I'll stand by you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Won't let nobody hurt you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Take me in into your darkest hour_

_And I'll never desert you_

_I'll stand by you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Won't let nobody hurt you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Won't let nobody hurt you_

_I'll stand by you_

_I'll stand by you_

_Won't let nobody hurt you_

To be continued…

  


* * *

[1] You all remember the incident in the car in the totally amazing/awesome episode called "Kill Switch," right?

[2] Scully's sister, Melissa "Missy" Scully, was shot in "The Blessing Way" and died at the end of "Paper Clip."

[3] In the episode "Acsention," Mrs. Scully meets up with Mulder after Scully's abduction and tells him that she had a dream that Dana had been taken.


	3. Death Wish

When the Night Falls On You

Chapter Three: Death Wish

He had always had a kind of a death wish.  He must have to do all the crazy things he has been known for.  Some part of him believed that in dying, he would walk up to those pearly gates and discover the truth.  All of it.  No more running for his live though dark, musty old sewers after some government-sponsored mutant or having to worry about his own or Scully's well being.  To just have them there, all laid out for him next to a good, hot meal surrounded by all the sunflower seeds he could eat.  But he knew, long before that strange dream or hallucination or whatever that was of his nearly a year before that if he chose such a road, there would be no one to oppose the dark forces he was trying to fight, and certainly no one left to bring them justice.[1]

Now, he knew the truth.  He knew what had happened to his sister and to Scully.  The men behind these heinous crimes were dead, killing themselves in a kind of poetic justice.[2]  Now he was really faced with death.  And it terrified him.  Terrified him so much that he couldn't bring himself to tell Scully.  He tried to reason with himself that he was protecting her.  He remembered how terrified he had been when she had been ill with cancer – how worried he had been about her, how afraid he had been of losing her.  But most of all, he remembered how helpless – how powerless - he had felt to not be able to do anything about it.  He didn't want her to suffer through that as he had.  He had, after all, been to see the best doctors in the country on this subject, and not a single one of them had a cure for him – all they could do was prolong his life a little longer.  And if that was all they could do, what could Scully do for him without any kind of special training in the area?  Be there for him?  She already was, and she wasn't suffering for him, the way he knew she would be had she known.  It was for the better that she didn't know until the end.

But even he knew that wasn't true.  She deserved to know.  He was just so scared, and by not telling her, it made it a little less true for him.  It was a lame excuse, he knew that, and now he wondered if she knew.  The look he had just seen on her face...the fact that she was clinging onto him so tight right now, like she was trying to keep someone from taking him from her.  He had done his best to hide his illness from her, but she did know him pretty well – pretty damn well.  She was a doctor, and she was very intuitive, despite herself.  Maybe she had figured it out on her own.

Then again, maybe he was just flattering himself.  Maybe whatever it was that was bothering her right now had nothing to do with him.  Indeed, he didn't know much of anything about her personal life.  It was a possibility, but he didn't expect that to be the case.  Whatever it was, she didn't want to talk about it.  He could respect that.  Indeed, there were things he probably should have been telling her right now, but just didn't want to talk about.  Still, she looked so sad; so lonely.  He felt bad.  He didn't like seeing her like this, but he didn't know what to do for her.

The song had finished, and with it, the CD, but she was still dancing with him, as though she hadn't realized the music had stopped.  Well, she wasn't dancing, exactly, more going through the motions she was supposed to be doing.  _*She's really out of it*_ he thought to himself.

"Scully?"  No answer.  He stopped her from dancing any longer and lessened their embrace so he could look her in the face.  She looked him straight in the eye, with a look of such desperation and agony and he imagined that she was looking straight through him.

"Okay, you're starting to scare me now."

"Sorry...I…I…it's just…nightmares."

"You want some water or something?"

"I'd like to sit down, actually."

"All right," and he lead her over to sit back on the couch.

"You look really spooked.  Like you've seen a ghost or something.  You sure you don't want to share your nightmares with me?"

"It's just this weird dream I keep having.  You're tied down or something, and I can't really see you, but I can hear you.  You're calling for my help, but somehow, I know it's already too late…like I've already lost you or something…"

_*Oh, shit, she does know!*_ he thought.  _*Gotta cover!*_

"Sounds kinda kinky to me."

She shot him a look full of shock, anger, frustration.  _* Success!*_ he mused.

"Yeah, well, it's got me a little shaken up."

"Hey, it's just a dream."

"A dream.  Mulder, in your words, 'a dream is an answer to a question we haven't yet learned how to ask.'"[3]

"Yeah, well, I say a lot of things, including a lot of bull shit.  Maybe it's an answer to a question you don't know how to ask yet.  Maybe it means that you wanna tie me down and…"

"Okay, that's enough of _your_ interpretations!"

"Right.  Look what I'm trying to say is maybe you shouldn't look too much into it, okay?"

"Well, I've been trying not to, but…I've started having it while I'm awake now."

"Whew!  You know – and, hey, I know I didn't know her all that well, but – you're starting to sound like your sister.  I mean, all this dream interpretation stuff, that's not you.  Man, Scully, I thought you didn't believe in that kind of stuff!"

She let out a little laugh at that.  "Yeah, well.  I guess people change."

"Yeah.  I guess they do."

They sat there in silence for a moment.  But only for a moment.

"Would it really be so bad?"  Mulder was quiet, serious when he broke the silence.

"Huh?"

"If something like what you're talking about were to happen to me – hypothetically – would it really matter?"

"What?!"  The shock returned, but it was mixed with a kind of sympathy this time.  And sadness.

"I mean, it seems to me I've pretty much served my purpose here on earth, and it's not like I got any family left or anything to stay for and –"

"And what am I, chopped liver?"

He was a little hurt that she thought she meant so little to him but then by the way he was talking he couldn't really blame her.

"No –"

"Mulder…I can't believe I'm hearing this from you…I mean how can you be saying these things?"

"I guess…I'm just feeling kinda…useless these days," and he realized it was true as he said it.

"Mulder, you sound like you're comparing yourself to some obsolete EKG monitor with the little suction thinggies"

He had to laugh at that one.  Leave it Scully to compare him to medical equipment and throw the word "thingies" in with it.  She ventured upon a nervous laughed, too.

"Okay, you know. I'm getting the strangest sensation of deja-vu, and you know, the last time I sat here and had a heart-to-heart talk over alcohol with that face, it wasn't you, so who are you and what have you done with my partner?"[4]

"Wha – no, it's…it's really me Scully."

"Right.  Okay."  She got up to leave.  Well, this has been great and all, but…"

"No, no wait!"  He headed after her.  She turned and looked at him expectantly.

"What, you want me to prove it?"

"Some verification would be nice."

"Okay…okay…ahh…let's see…you're mother's name is Maggie, you're brother's name is Billy and he hates me, you're badge number is….hell, I don't know your badge number, but…."[5]

"Anyone could know that just by a simple background check.  The real Mulder would never be so –"

"Your dog!  You're dog's name was Queequeg.  It was this annoying little yipper thing.  You got it from Clyde Bruckman.  It got eaten by an alligator while I was in my hotel room looking at pictures of teeth, or whatever they were.  That night, you told me you had picked the name after one of the characters from Moby Dick, then you compared me to Ahab, and I said I might like to have a peg leg, cuz then it would just be enough to keep living with such a handicap.  Ha-ha!  How's _that_ for a memory like an elephant's?"[6]

"I _could_ argue with you that 'they'" she emphasized the word with a quotation gesture "are everywhere, listening to everything and 'they' provided you – an imposter – with such detailed information."

He just looked at her as she paused.

"But, that's your style, not mine."  Mulder inwardly leaped for joy that she wasn't leaving quite yet, and that she hadn't used one of his own paranoid rantings against him as they both sat back down on the couch.  She still looked pretty nervous, though, and he realized that his own convincing powers hadn't kept her from leaving so much as her own desire to stay with him.

"Seriously, though, Mulder…Do you really think no one would miss you?"

"I wonder sometimes."

"I care about you."

She looked at him as if waiting for a response, but he just stared back at her.

"Maybe…maybe that's why this dream is bothering me so…maybe...maybe the question I can't ask myself is…how would I feel if I lost you?"

"And?"

"Well, the dream's the answer, right?  And in the dream I feel so angry, scared, desperate, and most of all…"

"Helpless."

"Yeah."

"And the fact that it's coming while you're awake…?"

"Scares me even more."

Pause.

"Is this what tonight's all about, Mulder?  You trying to tell me that you've been feeling down lately?"

"No, I…I just wanted to watch a stupid movie with you.  And, you know.  Enjoy your company. "  

"Right.  Well, look Mulder, I don't know what these dreams mean, or – or if they mean anything at all.  But I can tell you that I do care about you.  You mean so much to me, and you don't even know it.  Mulder, you're my best friend, and if I were ever to lose you…I'd never forgive myself."

Funny.  That seemed to be the same way he felt about her.  It felt good hearing she felt that way, too.  He wanted to say something to her.  But nothing came.  Nothing orderly, anyway, and nothing he felt like he could really share with her.  So, he hugged her instead.

"Thanks, Scully.  That – that means a lot to me," he said when he finally thought of something coherent to say to her.

"Anytime."

Suddenly, it was as if he could feel her drift away from him again, without even looking at her face.  He pulled away from her enough to see her face, but never let go.  Indeed, she looked light years away.  And terrified.

"Scully?"

Her eyes snapped back to him.

"Wha-?  Mulder?  It happened again."  He voice was barely audible.  "Mulder?"

"Yeah, I'm right here."  His was full of concern.

"Don't leave me."  She was shaking.

"Never.  No matter what happens, I'll always be with you.  I promise."  As he noticed the tears pooling in her eyes start to trickle down her cheek, he wondered if on some level, she realized the full weight of his words.

He hated seeing her cry.  She rarely ever did, and he was grateful of being saved from having to see it so often, but at the same time, it made times like these all the more painful for him to witness.

He brushed the tears off her face.  He felt her start to collect herself again, but she was still crying.

"Sorry, Mulder, I just…"

"It's okay."

He leaned in closer, barely aware of how close their faces were.  "Hey…" and he brushed away another tear and kissed her cheek where it had been.  He did the same with the other cheek.  He kissed her forehead, then moved his face back down so they were eye-to-eye, nose-to-nose, their foreheads touching.  Hardly realizing he had closed his eyes, he opened them, to find hers were closed, tears still leaking their way out from between her eyelids.  He hadn't meant to put any moves on her that night.  It just felt like the right thing to do.  And when he kissed her lips.  Gently.  He didn't even realize that he was kissing – really kissing – the auburn-headed woman he spent so much time with.  In fact he wasn't thinking much of anything at all.  He just…felt like it was the right thing to do.

To be continued…

  


* * *

[1] Refers to the "Last Temptation of Mulder" scenes in "The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati."

[2] The Syndicate was incinerated by the "faceless" rebel aliens in "One Son."

[3] Originally a quote from Mulder in "Aubrey."  Later repeated by Scully in "Paper Hearts."

[4] Once again, a reference to "Small Potatoes."

[5] All right, this is from "Dreamland I" when Mulder was trying to convince Scully that it was really him in Fletchers body.  It's not an exact quote, but that's roughly what I remember him saying.

[6] All from "Quagmire."


End file.
